Do you always end up at the end of the night fixating on everything you have done wrong for the day? This is something I have always struggled with. When I was living in Argentina as a missionary, I would worry about speaking the language imperfectly. I would obsess over it, and then it caused me to actually speak the language even worse. Today, when I lose my temper, or have a miscommunication with someone, I will worry about it and think on it for several days and beat myself up over how it could have been said or done better.
I recently learned there is a name for this. I was re-reading The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod and I came across the ‘Gap Focus.’ It was like a lightbulb went off in my head and I finally had a name to what I have been doing my whole life!
“We tend to focus on the gaps between where we are in life and where we want to be, between what we have accomplished and what we could have or want to accomplish, and the gap between who we are and our idealistic vision of the person we want we believe we should be.” -Hal Elrod
The problem with focussing on this gap of who we are and who we want to be, it ends up making us feel like we are not enough, and then we end up staying up late at night beating ourselves up over our mistakes. The ironic thing is those that focus a lot on the gap tend to be high achievers. What is important is finding a balance. “I am doing the best that I can in this moment, and at the same time, I can and will do better.”
He suggests 2 tips to find that balance. Instead of focussing on the things that went wrong in your day, focus on the other 100 things that you did do RIGHT. Tip #1- Write in a journal. Begin a gratitude journal each day focussing on what went right. Tip #2- Celebrate the things you do right.
If you would like to check out my thoughts on this idea of the ‘Gap Focus’, check out my video here.
Do you find that you spend more time focussing on those things that went wrong in your day? Share with me what helps you to celebrate your wins. I’d love to hear from you! Comment below, or send me an email.
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